


Survivorship Bias

by Madiholmes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11185338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madiholmes/pseuds/Madiholmes
Summary: Connie got fat and happy after all was said and done. The old Survey Corps soldiers was dying through simple attrition leaving him and only a few other survivors. With the latest funeral coming up, he meets up with Levi and Historia's son as they're forced to confront how their lives changed in the After.





	Survivorship Bias

 

 

The split second everything was done, and I mean done.

I got fat. 

I went from almost eighty-five pounds to one hundred forty. I couldn’t stop eating. I was happy to eat and I was happy to be heavy, breathing hard just walking down to the local bakery to get even fatter.

I lived the life of well earned obesity for ten years as my wife gave me sons and daughters. She was constantly pregnant, and I was constantly eating with her. We were a fat, happy family.

Then I got the Sickness, lost thirty pounds in two weeks, and, as always, survived the worst shits that life threw at me.

I never really gained it back. I was physically healthier months later, but I also lost Sophia and Carlos that first week. Surviving that was truly the hardest thing ever. Even from the Before.

But, like I said, I’m a survivor.

\--

“Erwin.”

The blonde man stopped at the name, then carried forward. “I’m... not used to that outside my family anymore. It’s good to see you, Uncle Connie.” He looked. Himself. Squarish jaw. His mother’s eyebrows, Longer nose.

Sometimes I could see others in him. His mother naturally, but others. I wasn’t the only one.

“Well, I’m not about to start calling you, Your Highness.” I was in a not-quite foul mood. “Not when you used to sit on my lap and throw in chips when we all played poker. Then there was that time your sister puked all over my formal uniform in front of thousands of people.”

Erwin smiled at my memory. He hadn’t actually been born yet, but that story was told so many times, it became legend.

“How is your sister?” I asked.

“She’s… fine. It’s a hard job, harder than she thought it would be. Mom tried to prepare her, but you know my sister.

I smiled. Everyone knew the issue. The family was born out of order, Erwin being every inch his mother- the perfect king born second in line. But what he lacked in being born first, he made up for in respect and duty for his sister while she made up for it in trusting him to help her rule. They made it work somehow. I just don't think they love each other.

I groaned down into a chair, offered him a cup of coffee. “So why are you here?” I’m not smart, but I knew enough. I’d finally learned some cues from the family. Dragged whatever it was out a bit more by making the coffee that much longer to make.

“Hange died,” he put out there. She was dead. Just like that.

I started. This never changed. “How?”

“Just… heart attack, we think. Puttering around her lab.”

“Nothing else?”

“No, she was happy.”

She wouldn’t have been the first to do something drastic. Life in the After was harder somehow. I never could figure out why though.

“So there’s two of us left?”

“Yes, and we haven’t told him yet.” Erwin, Prince of the Three Walls and Lord of Trost shifted uncomfortably. I’ve seen him stare down far more important people than me. He somehow inherited his namesake’s traits.

“You want my help.”

“If you please. My Sister The Queen would find it helpful.”

I grimaced. “Fine, but you have to be there.”

Erwin nodded.

“And I’m getting paid for it. On time.”

The prince nodded again. An ever present bribe helped. I have expenses.

“There just can’t be two left.”

“There are many records on the Before. We know everyone who served where and when. Especially with your group. Many books and stories have been written on you.”

I groaned. “My grandkids play soldiers and titans. ‘Grandpa!’ they tell me, ‘we want to fight titans’ and I tell them that they’re full of shit. Grandpa Connie’s won the right to cuss and drink beer and get fat in front of them. Wilhelm broke his leg playing with my gear. Served him right jumping off a shed like that. Next time he’ll read a book or something.”

“What’s the last book you read?”

“Probably my ABC’s,” Erwin liked to get me started. “You?”

“The International Declaration of Humanity’s Right to Free Will. I mean, I helped write it, so I probably read some of it.”

“You always were too damn smart.”

It was time, but we kept stalling. Nobody wanted to tell Levi. We all protected him as much as we could. Historia willed him enough to live as a duke and even I inherited something, but money was meaningless to us. We ate nothing for years. The horses ate better than we did. Sasha once raided their food stash for oats. That was a good breakfast up until everyone had to climb up the walls for five miles in full gear with just ropes and no gas. Still worth the breakfast.

We started towards the shop on the main street, turned left instead of right. Might as well take the scenic route.

“Why didn’t you..” Erwin started. “My Sister The Queen is expecting soon. We have to come up with a name.”

“Congratulations on the baby. I always liked the name Mateo.”

“That’s what I mean. Why didn’t you name any of your kids after someone?”

“They’re all dead in the Before. I live in the After. So do my kids and grandkids. Saddling poopy babies with a dead friend’s name doesn’t bring them back. You know more than anyone what it’s like to have that name wrapped around your neck like a dog collar.” This wasn’t my first discussion on the topic. I had whittled the reasons down over the decades to the easiest answers on why none of my family had Survey Corps names. They just weren’t the most honest.

Erwin nodded. “It has been a burden to carry, but I’ve made my own life. I never resented being named after Commander Smith. It just. You’re right. It belongs in the past. But mom bridged the Before and After like nobody else. Maybe I was just part of that process.”

“Good,” I agreed. “I was named after my Great Aunt Consuela. Now that’s a hard name to live down.”

We both laughed. It was another lie, but one that actually helped over the years of people confused about my name. Somehow I got really good at it.

We finally got around the block in silence, me specifically not thinking about Hange and anything else from the Before until we ended up in front of the store. I went in before Erwin, but I could already see the dark clouds brewing inside the shop.

“Now what?”

He was old. Older than us all, but he aged from twelve to seventy all in one go about four years ago. He was shutting down, should have died decades ago, but lived on, pickled in spite and sheer determination to live.

There was a joke told decades ago. Word got around that Levi wanted to open a tea shop. The joke was that this was the most pathetic thing any of us had ever heard. Not the dead and amputated and maimed or thousands dying from starvation. No. Levi serving tea to customers was it. Not that anyone ever told him that. I mean, we all had dreams of the After, and we weren’t going to just mock him. But Levi working in a tea shop, serving tea cakes and tea like a little old granny… It was hilarious.

Erwin came in behind me. He took after his mother, which meant he had a passing resemblance to his namesake.

Levi dropped the teapot, shattering wet leaves and hot water everywhere.

“Uncle Levi.”

The older man gathered himself, saw the man through rusted over eyes.

“Prince Erwin.”

“No, I’m just Erwin. Like I’ve always said.”

It was an old argument. I don’t think Levi ever once omitted the title. It finally dawned on me why.

Levi bent over, picking up ceramic shards and clumps of leaves. “What will you have?” tossing them into the garbage as he went.

“Pomegranate, please.”

“That’s not tea. That’s fruit flavored shit urine.”

“A Northern Lemon Drop, please.”

Levi assented, pulled out a canister from a back shelf, and heated up water in a new pot. The tea shop was immaculate, but over-stocked, brimming with bags and tins and very few customers.

I suddenly realized why the tea shop never made a profit  Not that Levi needed to make money, but he wasted so much on the rarest, most expensive teas and lacked the business skills to sell it to those who could afford it. He had more than enough connections to market to the royals and elites, but had pissed off or insulted the vast majority of them in the past. His small customer base dwindled even further after Historia died.

“We need to talk,” I finally said.

“We have news, Captain Ackerman.”

Levi cocked a grey eyebrow. “Captain, now. A prince using an honorific on a captain.`

Erwin looked confused. “That’s… how that works?”

Sometimes that boy could be a little dense. I like to think he got it from me.

“Okay, who died?” Levi never handled shit talk well.

“Nobo-wait.” I stopped, looked down. Death was hard in the After. We were more used to it in the Before. “Hange.” I somehow got out. “We’re it. You and me.”

“There is no ‘you and me,’” he snapped back.

I frowned. That actually hurt my feelings. “Hey, Ackerman. We’re both here in the After. You don’t have to be a dick about it. I miss them too.”

He started a little, refused to respond as he finished preparing the tea. Slid it over to the prince.

That was my apology.

“We’re dead already,” I blurted out. It was an accident. I never get morbid.

Erwin grabbed my arm compassionately.

Something clicked deep in my brain, something dark and scared. My fingers hand-locked the Current Heir to the Throne’s wrist and flipped him fully onto his back.

Everyone stared at me. Erwin with his big blue eyes, Levi with his narrow grey ones. I had just assaulted the Prince, Lord of Trost, and Historia’s son.

“You need a better bodyguard, Reiss.” Levi one-handed hauled the man to his feet, his right arm corded with veins and muscles from decades of hard labor, “and I’m retired from protection gigs.”

Levi, of all people, was trying to be the peacemaker, but I had broken something.

Erwin looked a little guarded at me as my mouth ran through automatic apologies. The prince stepped behind Levi, hiding behind a man a foot shorter than himself. Levi didn’t recognize the prince’s reaction or his own, shifting his own body to better protect our collective nephew from me of all people. I was suddenly a threat, and this visit was going hostile.

This was all “fine,” but it wasn’t.

Erwin recomposed himself. “She had a heart attack. We think.” Slunk back around the older man to mend our falling out.

“Oh, fuck off with the reasons. She didn’t get eaten by a Titan or bled out or crushed like an ant. She was old and cranky and losing her mind. Not that she had one to start.”

Levi was dangerously close to having an honest reaction. I’m not sure any of us could handle it.

“I’ll have a black tea,” I piped up, just to say something. I hate tea.

“You’ll get nothing,” Levi snarled back, repositioning himself in front of Erwin.

“It’s okay, Captain,” Erwin said, this time gently grabbing the man’s elbow. Apparently, he’d learned his lesson about jumpy Survey Corps vets. Or maybe Levi was just better conditioned against attacking royalty.

Levi looked up, really seeing the prince’s face- a near amalgamation of at least four of our dead friends. Somehow Erwin, even more than his older sister, became the orphaned son of every dead Survey Corps member. Even those who didn’t look like him had some other trait found in him- like he was our reward for what we all went through. His sister never had any of the love we developed for him. Not because we were cruel or played favorites. She just took to other adults and hobbies in her life as a child while he took to us.

“Why do you look so much like him?” Levi finally breathed out.

“Oh, Levi,” I said, before I knew what I saying.

“It’s fine, Captain Ackerman. You’re not the first to think that,” Erwin smiled sadly, giving him that space.

I’m not sure if Historia’s son would have survived in the Before. I tried not to judge people on their ability to survive, but it was too much of a habit. Years of fighting taught us who would survive and who would die. I mean, outside of some stupid death and nobody could control that.

Three grandkids could have, two probably not. Sophia would have been natural in the gear so I made her read more books. Wilhelm would have been titan chow his first week.Then again, he’s the most like me, so who am I to judge?

“The funeral’s next Monday. It’ll be a state funeral held at court. There will be a smaller one at the Courtyard the next day.”

“That thing’s still up? It should have burned decades ago.” It was an odd choice for Hange to have it at the theater where Commander Erwin convinced kids to kill themselves for humanity, but hey, it’s her funeral.

“We still use it to swear in new recruits. The Survey Corps still exists,” Erwin frowned, knowing Levi should know that.

“I know it still exists. I don’t know why- we don’t need it anymore.”

“Just in case.” Erwin replied. Some walls never go down. “Plus we use them to explore the world and for diplomatic protection.”

Levi snorted. “I heard about your incident.”

Erwin grinned at that, all toothy and near violent. That scared me more than I have been in decades. The prince wasn’t supposed to have that in him.

A year ago, some idiots tried to assassinate him in the MEU’s capitol city. Our Survey Corp brat surprised everyone by killing two men with a ceremonial sword before his bodyguards could even react.

Erwin was pushed out and back home with diplomatic flare ups and condemnations the world around, but he was safe.

Now that I think about it, I don’t know why he hid behind Levi after my flare up. Of course, he was fully trained as an officer. He was a Survey Corps member- officially ceremonially, unofficially he was in climbing up walls before he could walk.

But he wasn’t really one of us.

He was our head ambassador and went to prince school. The Survey Corps was part of his childhood, but was denied to him as an adult. Historia allowed him to play in the training grounds and with soldiers and cadets just as she granted her daughter her own personal funtime. But he could never be military- he was far more needed as His Sister The Queen’s Head Advisor. That was his role.

I was a grunt in all the Before stories: Connie Springer - two bit soldier who somehow survived due to luck and quirk of stupidity. Maybe… my role was never in the Before. It’s only here in the After getting fat and having babies with my pregnant-fat wife. My kids and grandkids are my real story. Everything up to that was someone else’s story.

“I need,” Erwin finally shifted. “I need you to be there at the funeral. I need you there to be my guest. Mom’s gone. Sis is sis, and I need….someone.”

Levi gave in to Erwin’s need, refusing to attend before the demand, going after it was asked. Somehow getting manipulated by yet another Erwin. It’s not even a question,” Levi relented, pretending that he had been going the whole time.

“I guess I’m going too,” I added, scratching my head. “I’ll be your date.”

Erwin smiled softly at me. I was not-quite the third wheel in this, but I didn’t care.

“Just,” Levi was shutting down, dropped hard onto his shopkeeper stool. “Can you be. Can you just be him for me? Just for one minute.”

Scratch that. This was the most pathetic thing ever. More than getting puked on in front of thousands of people. Levi hit rock bottom and burrowed deep into a thirty foot trench.

Erwin went tight. Tighter than when I’d tossed him. Looked at me even as I was already walking outside.

Let the door shut behind me. Slid down to the ground, sat there shaking. Realized the windows were open. I couldn’t move, couldn’t escape their voices.

“Levi,” Erwin said, something changing in his voice, something I only halfway remembered as a kid. It was too quick to be coincidental.

“I was wrong,” Levi whispered. “I was so wrong, and I’m sorry. I cost you your arm and your life. This isn’t hell. You’d have been fine here. Historia would have made you a lord and I’d be your butler or bodyguard or I don’t know assassin and you’d have a career in the After and retire and be okay. We would have been okay. I couldn’t let you go to hell, but it got better in the After... I should have died too.”

I started crying. I hadn’t cried in a long time, but I gagged on my own snot and tears and that thing that hangs in the back of my throat. Trying to be silent at Levi’s breakdown. He needed it. Probably hadn’t had this kind of emotional release ever. I just. He should have come to me or Hange or Historia or even Jean back in the day. Not burden some kid with our shit. It wasn’t fair of Levi to put any of this onto Erwin, especially his emotional dumpster fire revolving around Erwin Smith.

The two went quiet then. I could just see Erwin enveloping Levi in a giant, two-armed hug. The prince hadn’t said anything, and maybe that was enough.

The minute passed, then another.

“I’m sorry,” Levi apologized. Possibly the first time in his life. “You look so much like him at times.”

“And mom and Jean and Annie and Armin. I grew up with this. Anyone blonde and blue eyed back then-”

“No.” Levi interrupted. “The others were teenagers. They don’t remember Erwin Smith as Erwin Smith. They remember him as the Commander with his speeches. And the eyebrows. But the way you carry yourself and your face. You look related. I can close one eye and one ear, and almost pretend… But it’s still you, Prince Erwin Reiss. You’re not him. Don’t ever feel like you have a duty to be him. Not even for me. Not ever again. You poke me in the fucking eye if I ever ask you again.”

“You don’t understand,” Erwin repeated, his voice still off. “...I’ve. I’ve always been him. I think. On some level.”

“What the fuck?” Levi flattened...

“I have to tell you. Mom’s gone. They won’t stop. I’ve… always had these dreams. Even as a kid. Really intense ones where I’d wake up sweating and screaming and puking. Mom thought it was the Survey Corps affecting me. I was always down there with them so I heard all the horror stories at too young of an age. Like… Marco? Uncle Jean broke down in front of me before someone carried me away. It was easy to connect the dreams to those stories. Everyone tried to protect me, but I mean, you guys were all emotionally broken. Things just got out.

“Mom forbade me from talking about the dreams to anyone. She was an open book, you know. As queen, she demanded full communication and stopped all the secrets and everything. But she was my mom, and we had our own private needs. Nothing major, but we needed to have our own lives even at court. After a while, I started to piece together things- see things and recognize them later.

“I still don’t know if they’re real or not, but they were always about Commander Smith. I never dreamt about seeing Marco, but I did the others like Squad Leader Zacharias. Sometime he would just stand there, towering over me. He liked to sing offkey while I was learning how to write numbers. He’d just sit there singing camp songs as I was practiced on 5s and 4s. Mom stopped me from going to the camps after that. I hated her for it, but the dreams never stopped. After a while, she let me go again. I was dreaming either way.

“You should have told me. I could have helped,” Levi said. “Help you let go of them. This was never your burden.”

“That’s just it. There’s not supposed to be anymore of this weird shit. Mom ended everything. The titans, the secrets and paths. That’s all in the Before. My dreams aren’t supposed to exist in the After. I know I have royal blood with its own weird powers and you’re connected to me on some level. But all of that’s gone. We’re supposed to be normal. Like Uncle Connie.”

Levi almost laughed at that. “Your mother was powerful, but she can’t just change our blood. Mine at least.”

“Do you think?” Erwin’s voice changed again, fully back to the deeper inflection I know. “Do you think they’re real?”

“I don’t know. Maybe… Did your sister have them?”

“Walls no. She’s the most boring person eve-.” Erwin stopped. “Shit, I said that out loud.”

Levi and I roared with laughter at that. She is the most boring person ever,” he agreed.  I laughed too loud at that, interrupting their moment.

“Uncle Connie was there the whole time.” Erwin said.

“Yeah, he’s a fucking idiot.” Levi replied. “Always has been.”

I crept back in, hobbling a little. I was too old to sit on floors. “I didn’t mean to listen in. My knee-”

“Stop it,” Levi ordered.

“So the funeral,” Erwin redirected’ slid his right arm around my shoulder guiding me back outside to let Levi have alone time after his breakdown. “Monday. And you’re wearing your formal uniform.” Just as the door closed on us.

We were halfway down the road- me gasping for air under the prince’s painful hug- before I could remember everything. “Erwin, stop.” We stopped right there. “Should we just… leave him? Like that? After THAT? And you. The hell, man. Not telling us about any of that. You bust that open right now and we just leave.”

“Yes,” Erwin commanded.

And I realized in that instant. They hadn’t been dreams.


End file.
